I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
