He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
