**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
