She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
