I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
