Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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