beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
