All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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