My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
