How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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