So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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