Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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