tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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