haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
her vagine was all disorganized.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
