Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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