I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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