I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
