Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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