I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
