Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
