since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
