I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
