we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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