If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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