I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
