covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
