i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
