Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
