I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
