Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
