Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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