i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
