I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
