I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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