I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
