3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize