i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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