How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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