i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
