Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
