Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
