I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
