This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
