I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
