You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
