Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
