You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
