who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
