You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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