I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
