I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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