woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
