i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
