can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
