I think my fart just growled at me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
