my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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