If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
