woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
