can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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