I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
