Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
