A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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