it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
