the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
