her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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