he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
