It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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