You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
