I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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