I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
