He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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