ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
