I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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