I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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