I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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