if you like me you must not know who I am
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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