youre lurking in front of me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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