wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
