Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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