The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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