Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize