no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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