I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
