they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
