Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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