the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize