I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
