just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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