YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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