Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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