Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
