Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize