I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have fence marks all over my body
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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