So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
