someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
