He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
