Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
