i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
