i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
