awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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